STREETSIDE TAILS PRIVACY POLICY

Last Updated: May 3, 2025

Even the Squirrels Demanded We Write This

Welcome to the Streetside Tails Privacy Policy, a document that our legal team insists we need and that local raccoons have reviewed for compliance. We take your privacy about as seriously as a pigeon takes personal space—which is to say, surprisingly seriously when you least expect it.

What This Policy Covers

This privacy policy applies to all users of Streetside Tails’ website, mobile applications, and services (collectively, the “Services”), where we share hilarious urban animal content and occasionally make eye contact with possums at 2 AM. By using our Services, you’re agreeing to these terms faster than a squirrel agrees to steal your sandwich.

What Information We Collect (Because Apparently That’s a Thing)

Information You Voluntarily Give Us

Account Information: Name, email, password, and your self-reported level of enthusiasm for trash pandas on a scale of 1-10.
Profile Information: That profile picture of you feeding pigeons that you thought was cute but might regret in three years.
Content: Your comments, posts, likes, shares, and that one really passionate rant about how geese are actually misunderstood.
Survey Responses: Including but not limited to “Which street animal would you invite to dinner?” (The correct answer is none. Have you seen how they eat?)

Information Automatically Collected (Because Technology)

Device Information: The type of device you’re using, unless it’s a carrier pigeon, in which case we only collect the pigeon’s name and flight speed.
Log Data: IP addresses, browser type, pages visited, time spent watching that one video of a raccoon washing cotton candy (we all know how it ends, yet we all keep watching).
Cookies: Not the delicious kind that squirrels hoard, but the digital kind that remember your login info and browsing habits. More on these crumb-leaving digital trackers below.

How We Use Your Information (No, Not for Pigeon Blackmail)

We use your information to:

Provide, maintain, and improve our Services, like showing you more videos of cats intimidating much larger dogs.
Develop new features, like our upcoming “Translate Squirrel Chatter” tool (95% accurate, 100% hilarious).
Personalize content, such as recommending videos based on your apparent interest in animals wearing tiny hats.
Communicate with you, including service updates, news, and the occasional existential question from our AI.
Monitor and analyze trends, because we’re deeply interested in why everyone watches that one fox stealing shoes at 3 AM.
Detect and prevent fraud, spam, and unauthorized access—we don’t sell your data to pigeons, no matter how much seed they offer.

Cookies Policy (The Digital Kind, Not the Snack)

Our website uses cookies, which are small text files that your browser stores on your device. Unlike actual cookies, these cannot be eaten by raccoons, though they’ve certainly tried.

Types of Cookies We Use

Essential Cookies: Required for basic site functionality. Like pants, you technically could go without them, but it’s generally not recommended.
Preference Cookies: Remember your settings and preferences, like your dark mode preference (which, coincidentally, is also most urban animals’ preferred viewing mode).
Analytics Cookies: Help us understand how you use our site. For instance, we know exactly how many times you’ve replayed that video of a squirrel falling off a bird feeder (it’s a lot, and we don’t judge).
Marketing Cookies: Track your browsing habits to display relevant advertisements. We promise these are less annoying than a woodpecker at 6 AM.

You can manage cookies through your browser settings. You can also use our Cookie Preferences tool, which is about as user-friendly as trying to explain Wi-Fi to a possum, but we’re working on it.

We may share your information with:

Service Providers: Third parties who help us operate our services, all of whom have signed NDAs stricter than a mother raccoon protecting her babies.
Business Partners: Companies we collaborate with to offer integrated services, joint promotions, or products. None of these partners are actual animals, despite what our branding might suggest.
Legal Requirements: When required by law, court order, or governmental regulation. Even we can’t stare down the law like a territorial goose.
Business Transfers: If we merge, acquire, or sell assets, your information might be transferred as part of that deal. We’ll send a carrier pigeon to notify you if this happens (or, you know, an email).

Data Security (Fort Knox, but for Memes)

We implement reasonable security measures to protect your information, using encryption that even the neighborhood raccoons—known for their lock-picking abilities—can’t crack. However, no method of transmission over the Internet or electronic storage is 100% secure. We cannot guarantee absolute security, much like we cannot guarantee a squirrel won’t somehow find its way into your attic.

Your Privacy Rights (Yes, You Have Those)

Depending on your location, you may have certain rights regarding your personal information:

Access: Request copies of your data, formatted in a way that even a mildly concussed pigeon could understand.
Correction: Update incorrect information, like that time you accidentally listed your spirit animal as a “city rat” instead of a “distinguished urban rodent.”
Deletion: Request erasure of your data, which we will honor unless legally required to retain it (or if it’s particularly funny, in which case we might beg you to reconsider).
Objection: Opt out of certain data processing activities, faster than a rat can disappear when the lights come on.
Portability: Receive your data in a portable format, though we draw the line at carrier pigeon delivery methods.

To exercise these rights, contact our Privacy Team at [email protected] or fill out our Privacy Rights Request Form (preferred by our data squirrels who sort these requests).

Children’s Privacy (No, Not Baby Raccoons)

Our Services are not intended for individuals under 13 years of age. We do not knowingly collect personal information from children. If we learn we have collected personal information from a child under 13, we will promptly delete that information faster than a subway rat with a pizza slice. If you believe we might have information from or about a child under 13, please contact us immediately, preferably without using child labor to do so.

International Data Transfers (Globetrotting Data)

Your information may be transferred to and processed in countries other than your country of residence. These countries may have different data protection laws. We ensure appropriate safeguards are in place to protect your information, though we can’t protect it from the judgment of international wildlife.

Policy Changes (Because Even Squirrels Evolve)

We may update this Privacy Policy from time to time. We’ll notify you of any significant changes through our Services or by sending you an email, which we promise will be more interesting than most privacy update emails. The notification will specify the date when the changes take effect, giving you more advanced notice than a raccoon gives before raiding your trash.

Contact Us (We Don’t Bite, Unlike Some Urban Wildlife)

If you have questions about this Privacy Policy or our privacy practices, please contact our Privacy Team:

Email: [email protected]
Carrier Pigeon: Please don’t actually try this, they’re unreliable and easily distracted by breadcrumbs.

For serious inquiries requiring immediate attention, please use conventional contact methods rather than leaving notes attached to local wildlife, as results have been mixed at best.

This policy has been carefully crafted to meet all legal requirements while maintaining the attention span of someone who just spotted a fox on their doorbell camera. We hope you enjoyed it more than the average privacy policy, which isn’t saying much, but we tried.

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Privacy Policy